Phoneless

I don't feel that great about how I played tuesdy night. Plus,
apparently, everyone else playing were pros. So why play at all,
right? Wrong. This is a perfect opportunity to work against my
perfectionism. Its ok for me not to be the best. Its still a lot of
fun and a rush to get up on stage.

I ran into an old AA friend that night too. He was back drinking. Its
hard to judge but he didn't seem too happy. I haved him my number and
when I asked for his he admitted that he doesn't have a phone
currently. I'm just saying ...

Open mic

I'm sitting here at the Chatter Box pub waiting for the open mic to
get going. I'm not sure wich songs to play. I suppose ill let the
spirit move me when I get up there.

Le Meeting was good tonight. I've been focusing on meeting newcomers
so I can snag a sponsee. It helps me not to feel out of place, which
is normal for me when I expect people to approach me and make me feel
wanted. It also gives me a reason to show up early.

Time to sing...

The past week has been full of highs, lows and everything in-between. Well, when I say highs and lows I should clarify that my definition of high and low has narrowed significantly over the past year. High no longer means total euphoria and low no longer means complete demoralization. I can also experience both at the same time. For example, I visited one of the guys from Tuesday at the hospital this week. He apparently had a slip and ended up unconscious for a few days. Now he's on a ventilator in the ICU at HCMC. I consider that a low. However, I went over to the hospital with my friend Cary W and we had a great conversation. I left energized and grateful for my life. Other "highs" this week:

- Eating breakfast at Al's in Dinkytown.

- Drinking coffee at an outdoor cafe on a beautiful sunny day.

- Taking a walk though the Arbor Lakes area with my lovely wife.

- Receiving a great compliment about being a good boss

- Getting a big bear hug from my daughter

- Playing baseball with my son

- looking at my daughters kewlio henna (she wrote that)

Oh yea, the "lows":

- Finding out that my friend's dad is dying

- Dealing with one crisis after another at work

- Thinking about partying despite all the great things happening in my life

- Feeling uptight and bored at times while spending the weekend cooped
up all weekend.

Well, still not perfect but the highs far out-weigh the lows on my balance sheet. That's good enough for now.

NPD Defined

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms

• grandiosity / exaggeration
• fantastic thinking / romantic
• believes special / unique
• requires admiration
• entitled / demanding
• exploitive / manipulative
• lacks empathy
• envious / jealous
• arrogant / haughty

Great week

There are many things I could point to that would qualify this week as being kind of nasty. However when I started writing my first thought was how great this week has been. I went to great meetings Sunday and Tuesday. What made them great was the time I spent hanging with people I like. I took a risk Tuesday and met some of the guys at a cafe before the meeting. We smoked cigars and had a great conversation. I learned, yet again, that others are struggling through many of the same issues that I am. Also, my cousin moved in to my house. He's staying for a month or so. We've had a lot of fun catching up. Plus, one of my favorite bands released a new CD this week. Awesome.

The weird thing is that this has been one of the most challenging weeks I've had at work in a long time. My wife has been sick and of course we found time to argue about nothing. She still has some major issues with my past. Shocking.

Today's conclusion: The glass is half full.

10 Months Sober

Hey I just remembered that I hit the ten month mark yesterday.  I think about it not because ten months is so special but because it is that much closer to a year.  The YEAR thing does loom large for me for a couple reasons.  The first is because the CP meetings only recognize in 365 day increments.  The other is as much a reason to care about it as it is to remember that it really doesn't matter.  After having nearly 16 years under my belt, I have the feeling that having a full year will demonstrate that I am really back on track.  Really though.  More than most anyone, I should know that time is fairly irrelevant.  If I'm not doing this deal it doesn't matter how long I have.  However time does show the newcomer that it is possible to live differently.  It also shows my family that I mean business and it marks just how long the insanity has been behind us.

 

So it does matter and it doesn't matter.  It is what it is.

I vs. You

Instead of, "Why do you have to turn everything so negative?" try, "I feel upset when you speak to the kids like that."

 

Awesome!  All my problems are solved!

Shake it off!

I'd like to go at least a week without lapsing into defensiveness.
Whenever it happens an arguement is sure to follow. It is only a
problem with the love of my life though. I guess this isn't news. Its
just news to me.